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It’s now 3 months since Elissa came into the world, and while breastfeeding has worked out for us, public breastfeeding brings a separate challenge.
To breastfeed my child has certainly taken a lot of hard work and dedication to the cause. But, it’s also been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
Something I’ve learnt is that when you breastfeed, you need to be prepared for others to voice their opinions on what you’re doing.
Perhaps this is one of the reasons breastfeeding rates are so low, I’m not sure.
Recently Lila was discussing the low numbers of breastfeeding mums on her blog. She pointed to stats from The Office for National Statistics which recorded:
“Only 35 per cent of UK babies are being exclusively breastfed at one week, 21 per cent at six weeks, 7 per cent at four months, and 3 per cent at five months.”
But, why are breastfeeding rates so low, despite well-documented evidence of the benefits?
Attitudes towards public breastfeeding
I totally agree with what Lila said. She thinks the reason for these low figures is the societal attitudes towards public breastfeeding.
To me, the ability to feed my baby is a God given gift — this is exactly how God created us as women — and therefore breastfeeding is one of the most natural things in the world.
However, many people do not view it this way. And, in todays society, the women’s body has become more of a sex symbol, than anything else.
As a result, it seems many women are weaning their babies from the breast much earlier than they would like; the social pressures around public breastfeeding are simply too much.
What they say about public breastfeeding in Australia
According to an Australian survey, one in four Australians think breastfeeding in public is unacceptable (I’m sure these results represent similar views in the UK too).
Apparently, people think the most unwelcome places for public breastfeeding are in a church, at work, in cafes or restaurants, and in a shopping centre.
I have to say I’ve breastfed in all of the above places, without any negativity (that I noticed, at least).
Personally, I believe breastfeeding should be a normal part of everyday life. So, why is it okay to make women feel they are doing something wrong by breastfeeding their child in public?
In the early days, I was concerned about leaving home with Elissa in case she became hungry — I wondered if I could feed her in public places, without feeling completely embarrassed.
I’ve since learned to care little about those around me. My baby comes first!
In the UK, the law states:
1) There is not, and never has been, any law that prohibits a woman from breastfeeding a child of any age in public, for example in a cafe.
2) The 1975 Sexual Discrimination Act created legal protection for a woman under the provision of goods, facilities and services section. This protection covered a woman breastfeeding a child, of any age, by implication, and meant that she could not be discriminated against for breastfeeding in places such as restaurants, cafes, surgeries, libraries etc.
Here is a summary of breastfeeding laws in America.
Regardless of what the law states however, we do sometimes find ourselves a little anxious about feeding in public places.
Here are a few tips I’ve found helpful to overcome the public breastfeeding challenge:
- Realize the benefits of breastfeeding, and be happy that you are doing something good for your little one.
- Master the art of breastfeeding in public — dress appropriately with loser clothing, and work out how to adjust your clothing quickly and discretely. I find wearing two tops really helpful to keep myself covered up.
- Use a light shawl or blanket over your shoulder, if necessary.
- Act naturally and don’t wait until your baby becomes extremely hungry, as this will draw attention to the process.
- Ignore any negative looks or comments — if people don’t like what you’re doing, they should look away!
Faye & Lou
Update: since writing this article in 2010 I have had another baby, and now use the Breastfeeding Butterfly when feeding in public.
I have found Lois likes to move around a lot during feeding, which makes public breastfeeding a challenge. This coverup allows me to feed when away from home with complete confidence, because I know it will stay put.
What are your thoughts on public breastfeeding?
Perhaps negative comments have prevented you from leaving home? Or, have you stopped breastfeeding early due to unhelpful attitudes?
Alternatively, you may have had a wonderfully positive experience, we’d love to hear your success stories too…
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- Breastfeeding Nutrition: What You Need to Know
- New Guidelines: Peanuts in Pregnancy and Breastfeeding
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Mel,
So glad to see you writing on this topic. Sometimes I think that women think it is more convenient to bottle feed. Or that it is so easy to hand over to another to feed.
Personally, I think there is nothing as natural and lovely But I do think there should be more encouragement and talks about it to mum’s to be early on in their pregnancy .
Maybe there is now ,but 27 years ago you were expected to do it and with very little knowledge. The importance of preparing your nipples even! The need to try and be relaxed also.
I’m sorry to say my experience was not that pleasant. I felt very isolated.
On the other hand, mum’s should not be made failures for not being able to breastfeed either.
Hi Ruth,
I can certainly see that in many cases it would be easier to bottle feed, especially the help you can get from your partner in the middle of the night by getting them to feed the baby!!
In the UK at least there certainly is help available if you want it. They encourage the message that “breast is best” and also provide breastfeeding support groups. But, there’s also the issue of going to these classes or meetings for the first time, it can be daunting–I know of one here in Lisburn, but I haven’t made it there yet, I think it would be good for Elissa and I to go, but keep putting it off. I’m sure it’s even more difficult if things aren’t going so well for some mums. Not an easy problem to solve perhaps.
Also, I might add that feeding in public wasn’t a big issue really, though it was hard to be discreet because of my size.
Maybe that was one of the reasons why I stopped at 3 months.
Hey,
Just thought I would add my experience. When I first started breastfeeding my son I was quite conscious of my abilities even in front of family. Not because I cared about getting my boob out but more because I wasn’t a confident nurser. I was having problems getting my son to latch etc. So when I was out I swould pump some just in case I couldn’t get him to latch properly.
After a few months though I got really good and then I was totally comfortable doing it when and wherever.
My son is 2 years old now and I still feed him whenever and wherever. I have gotten some looks from mothers at toddler groups but they don’t bother me at all.
I don’t try to be discreet either. I don’t obviously flash but I don’t try and cover up because my son is too bust fishing my boob out and wanting feeding. If people have a problem they don’t have to look.
Having a sling and a MAM coat has been really handy for keeping it discreet though.
So overall I would say in the beginning its just really daunting because you really do have to learn how to do it to some extent and so does your baby.
I must admit I think I must be fairly lucky that none of my friends and family think it is odd that I have nursed my son this long but from what I have seen from American friends, a lot of Americans feel breastfeeding to a year it the max you should do otherwise its digusting.
Oh well – keep at it! :)
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Combat Your Cravings Ebook: New Lower Price & Hard Copy Coming Soon =-.
Kelly,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
It’s great to hear about the experiences of others. I really think it’s amazing that you’ve continued to feed your son for so long, well done–that really is commitment to the cause!! :-) Just imagine how healthy your little boy is now from all those good antibodies, etc!
Ahhh yes the debate about breast feeding in public!!!
My son has grown now but I do remember very distinctly being out at a local cafe for dinner & my little baby decided he needed to be fed. I went to se if there was a feeding area & was told it was in the women’s toilets!!! I am SORRY but I don’t eat in toilets so why should my son???!!!
I then DISCREETLY fed him at our table with my back turned to the majority of dinner guests only to hear a rather loud compliant from the next table along with stares.
My husband commented to them that it was simply his son being fed & that there was no way his son was eating in a toilet.
That shut them up!!!! But I found the whole experience humiliating to say the elast!!!
Hi Tiffany,
Isn’t is just ridiculous! WHY should we feed our babies in the toilets? I’m sure that’s discrimination. On a lighter note, I’m so glad your husband was there to voice his opinion on the matter–it’s good to have support.
Hi Mel,
Saw this post last week and meant to comment, but I’m just now getting around to it :) These babies do keep us busy!
I agree, there’s a stigma about breastfeeding in public, and it drives me nuts. I find that in some cases (like feeding in front of my in-laws or older people) that I just feel uncomfortable. Perhaps I think it will bother them more. So, if we have these guests over to our house, I generally feed the baby in my bedroom–that is, if my husband is around to entertain while I’m gone.
At church, I leave the main room to sit in the foyer when I feed, but it’s terribly uncomfortable on hot days without the air conditioning!
When I’m out in public or at someone else’s house, I simply bring a baby blanket to cover myself with. Usually I leave the room to get the baby on the breast and settled, but I will return fully covered and no one can see anything.
I don’t know whether this bothers people or not, but I figure this:
If you invite a new mother to dinner, you should expect her to need to feed her baby. You shouldn’t expect her to sit somewhere in your closet to do it.
If a woman is out in public, she shouldn’t need to be out of view. Breastfeeding is natural, and I would be quite offended if someone commented on it, in fact.
In general, I tend to be the most discreet around other people’s children, the older generation, and my husband’s family (who are very conservative).
When I was still in the hospital, I actually remember feeling bad about needing to feed the baby when people had dropped in to see me. How ridiculous! They come to my hospital room and I’m trying to cover up the fact that I have to feed my child?
Great post, Melanie. Very thought-provoking.
.-= Suzannah-Write It Sideways´s last blog ..The 3 Things Writers Will Never Agree On =-.
Hi Suzannah,
Thanks so much for your comment.
I have to say I also felt a bit odd breastfeeding in front of some family members in the beginning, but I just had to get on with it. If they came to see me, I didn’t have the option of going into another room, as we are still living in the little flat. I don’t know how they felt, no one said anything, but it’s definitely strange at first.
Like you though, I usually leave the room, or turn my back at least, to get baby attached discretely, then sit down with everyone else when we’re settled. I think it’s so much easier that way. At church I also use the cry room to feed, but it’s awful noisy at times, difficult to get used to.
It is totally unacceptable that we feel bad about feeding our babies in front of certain others. I wonder how they would feel if they put themselves in our shoes??? I often think people need a reminder of the God given purpose of the women’s body… biology lesson anyone? lol
Hi, Mel
I’m not in the UK but here (Bulgaria) the situation is quite the same. Women who breastfeed their babies are a minority.
For me breastfeeding is the way to stay in touch with my baby’s needs, to feel his pain or share his excitement. I’ve been breastfeeding for 4,5 years without a break (what a record) – I have two boys – 4,5y.o. and almost 2 y.o.
Everytime I feed my little boy outside (not so often lately) I get those comments and looks as if I’m kind of breaking the law or am a shameless woman. It is annoying, but I ignore them.
I’m not going to miss these precious moments of intimacy just to please someone, be it friend or stranger.
You are on a good way, keep it up!
P.S. Great blog!
Hi Amitola,
Thanks so much for your comment.
Isn’t it so interesting, it seems like those who tolerate breastfeeding will only do so for a certain number of months – i.e. until the baby is say 6 months, or 1 year at most.
I’m wondering if it’s due to lack of education on the subject. I myself didn’t realise that some of the guidelines encourage breastfeeding up to 2 years of age.
Perhaps the public need to hear this more from health professionals and mainstream media. Maybe this would help them to see it is “normal,” if appropriate for the child and mother.
I don’t know, the more I find out, the more complicated it seems to get.
Hi Melanie,
Just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading this article and the other comments! I’m so glad breast-feeding is going well for you. I breast-fed Anna exclusively until she was one year old, and continued with several feeds a day until she was two and three months. It was hard going at the start, but I have to say that, by four weeks after her birth, I was really enjoying it, and I wouldn’t change what I did for the world. I didn’t mind feeding in public or in front of people; I just wore looser tops and used a blanket sometimes. Also, breastmilk definitely benefits the child’s health — I found that especially until Anna was one and a half, she rarely had a cold or any illness. Mommy’s milk is definitely the best for our little ones. Keep up the good work!
Marbeth
(Ballymena)
Hi Marbeth,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Did you find Anna was hungry throughout that year of exclusive breadfeeding? I had always thought babies started to get an interest in food by around 6 months, perhaps that is not the case at all.
You did brilliant to breastfeed for so long! :-)
I agree with you, breast is definitely best, and I’ve had the same experience so far, with no sickness yet. I’m hoping it continues!
I’m so glad you addressed this topic. My daughter nurses her six month old baby boy and although no one had been directly negative to her, she has encountered stares and some dirty looks from people when she has nursed in a public place (discreetly). What we find surprising is that most of the dirty looks come from women, not men.
I commend any woman who sticks with it. Breastfeeding is not always easy, but the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages. Great post!
Lorie,
I find it difficult to believe you have a daughter that age!!! Are you sure—lol :-)
The more I hear on this subject, the more passionate and determined I get! It shocks me that women are so negative to other women in this way. What happened to women supporting each other?
Your comment proves how far society is removed from the natural purpose of the women’s body. In other cultures it wouldn’t even be a discussion point, let alone an issue.
Anyway, well done to your daughter for continuing despite the negativity.
I breastfed my son for his first year (until he self weaned, I would have been happy to continue, but he lost interest :P) and I experienced a fairly wide range of experiences. I was never ashamed to BF in public, and I regularly went out to lunch with my grandparents and always BF while I was out. I almost never BF in the car (only if he was already hungry and crying about it, generally he’d wait until we were settled before he’d start to fuss)
At the restaurant, it was mostly elderly people and IF anyone noticed at all, I’d usually get a knowing smile, occasionally even a big grin or some (polite) questions.
But when I went out shopping, oh man. Whole ‘nother ballgame. The looks I got when at the mall or the food store. . .It was crazy. Especially at the food stores (the generally had some sort of food court type thing where I could sit) the looks were like I was tainting the food or something. Hello people. . .it’s not like I’m squirting the produce XD
I don’t get it. None of my friends have breastfed and neither did my mother (my grandmother couldn’t, my mom was adopted). I’ve never actually had close contact with another breastfeeding mom, and it makes me sad. The world has gone away from the way things are supposed to be. The natural has become unnatural.
I have my own (admittedly harsh) opinions on formula feeding. I don’t think it should be a CHOICE. I think it should be a last resort after all other options have been explored, but that a whole other rant XP
Moms should be allowed to do what moms are SUPPOSED to do. And that means feeding their kidlets, whether it be breast, bottle or carrot sticks.
Now that I have a second child, I just ignore the looks. If people want to stare, let them. I’m showing a whole lot LESS skin when I breastfeed than if I were in a tank top and pants XD
Good on you other moms who breastfeed! Do what you know is best for your baby and let those other people shove it :P
Hi Denikka,
I love your comments! We need more mums like you out there promoting what is best for babies. It really does annoy me that we would get less harsh looks from some people wearing a skimpy outfit than we would breastfeeding our baby discreetly. It’s so wrong, and as you say, the natural has become unnatural. Lovely to hear from you :-)
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